Would this book be so popular if the author had not been a high society Martha’s Vineyard housewife, Babe Paley’s granddaughter, and a Vanderbilt descendant? The simple answer is – no.
Still, it addresses every housewife’s deep fear of her husband cheating on her. It is like cancer – you may have it and not know about it. Hence, the popularity of the book. It is also intelligently written and offers some insights into women’s choices regarding marriage, career, and parenting. These insights are not particularly new or original. Belle Burden realizes she has traded safety and security for independence. She has consciously selected not to know or care about family finances and has focused on raising her children. The most original, probably, revelation of the book is that actually divorce is NOT the end of a woman’s life and can make a woman a better person!
What I find problematic about this book is that its main premise – living twenty years with a “stranger” – does not ring true. Whose fault is it that Belle Buden did not know much about her husband. He was visiting the family on weekends and spending one week with them at Martha’s Vineyard during the summer. The author points out as proof of her happy years with her husband the fact that he made family videos, that they had a common diary (as newlyweds), and that he was a caring parent ( except for doing baths and homework). The signs of a non-functioning family are in plain sight. This is though, the acceptable marriage model for stay-at-home mothers who are “provided” and have given up their careers. Well, who made this choice? The choice not to be interested in financial matters, not to go to work, not to deal with bosses and difficult colleagues, but instead drive the children to school and various activities, play tennis and go to parties, enjoy long walks, meet friends while the kids are at school, and basically take it easy! I am not sure the insights of such a female can be valid for the majority of modern women.
The shock of the husband’s not willing to explain why he left is a bit overplayed. He was alienated, not entirely present, very powerful, rich, and he already had his own life apart from the family. He just formalized through a divorce the choices he had already made. Makes you wonder what the author’s standards or notions of a good marriage were not to have noticed that.
The choice of a phony person and a narcissistic actress like Gwyneth Paltrow to play the main character in the future film Strangers is quite symptomatic, no?